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The Misfit Knicks Stole The Show Last Night

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The Misfit Knicks Stole The Show Last Night There were two things that were remarkable about last night's New York-Miami game, a 112-92 victory for the antique Knicks. The first, predictably, was LeBron James, who put up 18 points, five rebounds, and seven assists in the first two quarters—a perfectly played half of basketball, and a reminder that there is no greater show in the NBA than LeBron James.

But then, a second remarkable thing happened. The Knicks, playing without Carmelo Anthony and Amar'e Stoudemire and starting Kurt Thomas, managed to shove LeBron right out of the spotlight. For the second time this season, the Knicks buried the Heat in a pile of three-pointers. A team of fat guys and old guys, outcasts and castoffs, stole the show from the best player on the planet.

And they did it by playing characteristically misfit basketball. The Knicks' 18 three-pointers weren't the result of a well-planned precision attack. They simply dribbled the ball and whipped passes around the court until they found an open shooter, and when they didn't find one, they threw up the shot anyway.

The offense was frenetic and in defiance of any seeming logic. Ray Felton has no business isolating his defender 25 feet from the basket, throwing a few crossover dribbles, and then sinking yet another three-pointer with a hand in his face. And yet, that's exactly what he kept doing. As did J.R. Smith and Steve Novak and the rest of the Knicks. Maybe there was some underlying design to this—at the very least, crypto-shooting guard Jason Kidd's plus-minus of +31 suggests some sort of deep matchup juju—but all outward appearances were that the Knicks showed up on the Heat's floor and made a mess of things. Whereas LeBron specializes in a gradual, smothering mastery of his opponents, the Knicks specialize in chaos. Sometimes, chaos wins out.


Tom Brady Spawned

Rasheed Wallace, Captured In One 56-Second Sequence

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Perhaps lost in the action of last night's Knicks-Heat game was the sequence you see above. Nothing all that exciting happens in these 56 seconds, but they do offer a glimpse at just how wonderfully out of shape and unable to give a fuck Rasheed Wallace is. Let's break down his play in this nearly minute-long clip.

  • Sets a half-hearted screen for Pablo Prigioni
  • Catches a pass from Prigioni at the three-point line, immediately jacks up a shot
  • Jogs back on defense, even though his shot didn't go in
  • ...
  • ...
  • 13 seconds later, with the Knicks still possession of the ball, Wallace finally comes walking back into the frame
  • Jason Kidd misses a shot, which Wallace makes no attempt to rebound, and he runs back on defense
  • Mike Miller misses a layup, which 'Sheed makes an attempt to rebound before deciding to just let Prigioni take it
  • Starts walking up the court to get on offense
  • ...
  • ...
  • Receives a pass at the top of the key and immediately sends the ball to Steve Novak
  • Shoves Shane Battier in the chest for no reason, somehow draws a foul
  • But you know what? 'Sheed still poured in 12 points and grabbed eight rebounds. He also did this. He had a great game. He had a 'Sheed game.

    h/t Jacob

Here's An Awesome Dunk That Was Ruined By A Stupid Referee Who Called It A Charge

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That's Jacksonville College's Daniel Skinner, a junior-college basketball player who likes to dunk on any dumbass who gets in his way, pulling off what was very nearly a free-throw line dunk in a game against Tyler Junior College.

Too bad the referee decided to be the biggest wet blanket of all time and call a charge on the play, thus negating Skinner's monstrous dunk. Fuck you, referee.

Roundup: What You Missed The Weekend Manny Pacquiao Got Knocked Out

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Roundup: What You Missed The Weekend Manny Pacquiao Got Knocked Out A Bloodied Juan Manuel Márquez Annihilated Manny Pacquiao With This Brutal Sixth-Round Knockout Punch | It's the first time since 1999 Manny Pacquiao has been knocked out, and the first "official" win for Márquez in a series of fights the Mexican boxer's fans have long believed to have unjust outcomes. Read »

Roundup: What You Missed The Weekend Manny Pacquiao Got Knocked Out Welp, The Worst Free Throw Of All Time Was Shot Last Night And Will Never Be Equaled | You're probably wondering, "How bad can it be?" Well, it's really bad. Read »

Roundup: What You Missed The Weekend Manny Pacquiao Got Knocked Out Cowboys DT Josh Brent Arrested On Charges Of Intoxication Manslaughter, Victim Reported To Be Member Of Cowboys' Practice Squad | Brent is a nose tackle with three years of experience. Brown Jr. was a 25-year-old linebacker. Read »

Roundup: What You Missed The Weekend Manny Pacquiao Got Knocked Out Taste Test: Three Weird Santa Candies That Want To Murder You | These chocolates don't look alike; they're flavored differently; and they're made by three different confectioners. What they have in common is that they're all little effigies of Santa Claus. That, and that they're goddamn terrifying. Read »

Roundup: What You Missed The Weekend Manny Pacquiao Got Knocked Out JaVale McGee Performs Perfectly Terrible, Ridiculous, Awful Play | McGee isn't our favorite player without reason, of course. Read »

Roundup: What You Missed The Weekend Manny Pacquiao Got Knocked Out How ESPN's Dan Rafael Became The Most Important Journalist In Boxing: A Cautionary Tale | Dan Rafael has achieved his position in life not because of his ability as a journalist, but in spite of it. Read »

Roundup: What You Missed The Weekend Manny Pacquiao Got Knocked Out The Jovial, Bleak, Affectionate Bully That Was Rick Majerus Simply Cannot Be Comprehended In Full
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For every story about what a cuddly, concerned, lifelong underdog the man was, there's another about what a peculiar breed of persistent bastard he was. Read »

Roundup: What You Missed The Weekend Manny Pacquiao Got Knocked Out "I Have To Deal With My Other Girl, Man," Jovan Belcher Says In Police Dash-Cam Video At 3 A.M. The Day Of Murder-Suicide | He would spend the next few hours sleeping on a couch in some part of Brittni Glass's apartment complex, though not necessarily in Glass's apartment. Read »

Roundup: What You Missed The Weekend Manny Pacquiao Got Knocked Out The Last Tackle Of Jovan Belcher's Life Left Him Shaken Up | It's no smoking gun, but in the parlance of the average NFL announcer, Belcher is a little "shaken up on the play" and might need to "clear out the cobwebs," which, non-euphemistically, means he may have suffered some sub-concussive injury. Read »

Stephen Jackson Fined For Threatening Serge Ibaka On Twitter

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Stephen Jackson Fined For Threatening Serge Ibaka On Twitter On Friday night, Thunder forward Serge Ibaka and Lakers forward/crazy person Metta World Peace got into a bit of a tussle. Immediately after the game, Spurs swingman Stephen Jackson sent out the following, since-deleted tweet:

Stephen Jackson Fined For Threatening Serge Ibaka On Twitter

That's something of a threat, and one that many people interpreted as Jackson sticking up for his friend and former teammate. According to SLAM, however, Jackson clarified his comment via a post on his Instagram account, which has also been deleted:

my ibaka comment had nothing to do with Ron artest. Last 2 times we played he ran up on me and i told him in the game next time u run up on me im going in ya mouth. Im speaking for myself. For u all who wanna jump to conclusions.

Regardless of his motivations, Jackson has drawn the ire of the NBA and Spurs management. Yesterday, the league fined Jackson $25,000, and Spurs general manager RC Buford released a statement calling Jackson's tweet "absolutely unacceptable."

The Spurs and Thunder will face off on December 17. We'll see if anybody decides to go in anybody else's mouth.

[SLAM]
[ESPN]

"Jimmer Got Moves, Dog. That **** Crazy.": DeMarcus Cousins Praises His Mormon Teammate

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"Jimmer Got Moves, Dog. That **** Crazy.": DeMarcus Cousins Praises His Mormon Teammate We can all thank the guys at Cowbell Kingdom for bringing us this audio clip, in which Sacramento Kings center DeMarcus Cousins dishes out some fervent praise for teammate Jimmer Fredette.

It's hard to tell what bleeped-out curse word Cousins lovingly uses to describe Fredette, but whatever it was, we're sure it was hilarious. Because describing a Mormon guy as any curse word will always be funny.

[Cowbell Kingdom]

The Clippers' Bench Has A New Nickname And It Is So Dumb

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The Clippers' Bench Has A New Nickname And It Is So Dumb It's always fun when a basketball team's bench takes on an identity of its own. Getting to watch a group of guys who are not quite good enough to be starters gel into a cohesive unit of their own adds another layer of excitement to the game, and so it's no surprise people often want to give cool nicknames to such bench units. The Bulls' "Bench Mob" from last season is a perfect example.

But now the Los Angeles Clippers have gone and ruined the whole practice of nicknaming bench units, because their group of talented subs is now known as "A Tribe Called Bench." From ESPN:

Dan Woike of the Orange County Register threw out "Mob Deep," but he found out the New York Knicks had used that nickname last year. Woike then got a tweet from a San Francisco Bay Area follower with the handle @squidwai and "A Tribe Called Bench" was born.

Over the past three games, the Clippers have started to play highlights of the second unit to A Tribe Called Quest's "Scenario" and the #ATribeCalledBench hashtag has started trending on Twitter in Los Angeles during Clippers games.

That is the dumbest nickname of all time. The worst. It's awful. It's just the name of a popular rap group with the word "bench" inserted into it. It could just as easily be "Cash Bench Millionaires" or "The Beastie Bench." Actually, I kind of like "The Beastie Bench." The Clips should use that instead.

[ESPN]


Boom Or Bust: 48 Hours At Leadville's Treacherous Ultramarathon

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Boom Or Bust: 48 Hours At Leadville's Treacherous UltramarathonAfter 99.75 miles and more than 16 hours of running, Thomas Lorblanchet comes striding slowly down 6th Street in Leadville, Colo. It's almost 9 on an August night, and as he crests a small hill, his way is lit only by his headlamp and the glowing light from the one-story houses that line the street. His strides are short and economical, and his churning legs seem to operate independently of the rest of his body. By his face, you wouldn't even be able to tell that he was running.

Somewhere behind him are the other 794 entrants in the Leadville Trail 100, strung out along rocky mountain trails or out of the race altogether. Ahead, where 6th Street meets Harrison Avenue, the town's main street, is the finish line. He sees that if he hurries, he can finish in less than 16 hours and 30 minutes. Breaking into a sprint, he snaps the tape: 16:29.

Lorblanchet, who is sponsored by Salomon, traveled from France for this, his first time at Leadville, to race through the cold and thin mountain air on uneven trails, reaching altitudes as high as 12,000 feet. The crowd, sparsely lining the street by the finish line, greets the moment of victory with dutiful cheers. Merilee Maupin, the co-founder of the race, is waiting for Lorblanchet with a hug and a silver Leadville 100 belt buckle, which hangs from a lanyard like a medallion. A smattering of photographers from running-dedicated websites snap photographs. The winner completes a 30-second interview over a public-address system, kisses his wife and child, and disappears.

Where he's gone isn't clear. There aren't many places to go in Leadville. I've never been here before, exactly, but I've been to Idaho Springs, Georgetown, Frisco, and various other carbon copies of the standard Colorado mountain town. Harrison Avenue is lined with the requisite antique stores, coffee houses, and gem shops: a "cute" place for local tourists to walk around in and eat ice cream.

It's this event, now in its 30th year, that distinguishes Leadville from other places. I had been waiting for the first racer to cross the finish line since I'd driven into town the previous morning. I had expected Lorblanchet's triumph over the trail and his competitors to be a moment, as in other notable races.

I was wrong. The area around the finish line is just as dark and quiet as it was before Lorblanchet came sprinting to victory. It would take another 14 hours, and another mostly sleepless night in my car, before Leadville gave me the moment I was looking for. The Leadville Trail 100 isn't about who finishes first. It's about the people who finish last.

* * *

The Leadville Trail 100 was born out of failure. In 1982, the local molybdenum mine, Climax, the backbone of Leadville's economy for more than a century, was shut down—because, perversely, there was too much demand for its product. The growth of electronics made large-scale molybdenum mining worthwhile, and the small-scale operation in Leadville was squeezed out. The town was devastated financially; within 18 months, 40 percent of the population had left.

The year after the mine closed, a former miner, Ken Chlouber, came up with the idea of hosting an ultramarathon in order to inject some economic life into his hometown. As an avid marathoner himself, Chlouber was committed to making his idea a reality, despite being told by a local hospital administrator that such a race would surely lead to someone's death. Chlouber is said to have responded, "Well, then we will be famous, won't we?"

The result is one of the original and most popular ultramarathons in the United States—a leg of the "Grand Slam of Ultrarunning"—pushing runners beyond their previous limits across rocky trails and through the thinnest of air. Chlouber was right that the race would be good for business: Leadville is now synonymous with running culture, home to a series of endurance races that bring a steady stream of competitors, fans, and tourists into the town throughout the summer. Lifetime Fitness, a running apparel company that operates the race series, opened a popular retail store in the center of town.

Boom Or Bust: 48 Hours At Leadville's Treacherous Ultramarathon

At first, I found it unusual that a boom-or-bust mining town would end up having its identity so thoroughly tied to the world of fitness and endurance. Other places, like Central City, have gone for mountain casinos, which would seem more fitting. But then I went to the place where Leadville's mining legacy is housed, the National Mining Hall of Fame and Museum.

The interior of the museum is of modest size and filled with lo-fi exhibits, housed in a building that carries a distinct 1970s-schoolroom aesthetic. Rather than industrial pride, the prevailing theme is endurance and perseverance. One of the featured exhibits is a model castle, about the size of an old-fashioned storage trunk, constructed with a local assortment of rocks and minerals. Some of them have been smoothed and polished, but most remain as they were found. The model was created by a local citizen, and it took him 25 years to complete. The name of the piece is "Patience."

Then there's the final panel of an exhibit that lays out a timeline of the town's mine. The panel reads:

And there's still plenty of molybdenum to be mined at Bartlett Mountain—and it will be, when the market is right.

A hundred years from now, who knows what the story will be?

Booms and busts are but brief episodes in the slow, steady burn of life continuing apace. What better place for an ultramarathon, really?

* * *

Leadville's ultramarathon stands apart from others of its kind because it does not require the race's entrants to meet any kind of qualification. The race organizers have a soft cap of 1,100 runners and fill the field on a first-come, first-served basis. All you need to do to pit yourself against the mountains is to sign up and pay the $275 registration fee.

And then you have to run it. The course goes 50 miles, with runners going out from Leadville and back again, mostly over mountain trails. The start and finish, in town, is at 10,200 feet, and the course reaches 12,000 feet at the turnaround. There are aid stations every 10 miles or so, where racers can rest, rehydrate, eat, and get medical attention.

To keep things from straggling on forever, though, the race has a 30-hour time limit. If you can't go 100 miles in a day and a quarter—or if you miss intermediate time checkpoints at the aid stations—you're out. Most of the runners are assisted by their own crews, which drive between aid stations to resupply their runners with food, clothes, shoes, etc., and to run alongside their runners as pacers during the last 50 miles.

This year, only 358 of the 795 runners who began the race would reach the finish line in time. The others were broken by hypothermia, altitude sickness, rolled ankles, twisted knees, dehydration, nausea, dizziness, malnourishment, and muscles that cramped to the point of paralysis.

On the drive from Denver to Leadville—about 100 miles horizontally and a mile vertically—I'd briefly pondered those overmatched amateurs who choose to join the field. Why pay $275 to participate in a particularly tortuous race, with less than even odds of finishing at all? They must be crazy, I decided, and turned my thoughts to the top entrants, pushing themselves toward triumph and glory.

* * *

The highest incorporated city in America, Leadville sits in the middle of the Rocky Mountains. Imposing peaks dominate the view from almost any vantage, with Mt. Elbert—the tallest peak in the Rockies—looming above them all to the southwest. Arriving in town the day before the race, I stopped by the media center—a room with a few tables and power strips that would remain empty through the entire race—to pick up my press credential. Then I headed to the 6th Street Gym, where the runners were gathering to hear the race organizers give this year's pre-race speech. The gym was exactly as unimpressive as its name suggested, nothing more than a single basketball court flanked by wooden bleachers and adorned with ugly, skinny-rimmed baskets.

I sat down in a collapsible plastic chair next to a brother-and-sister pair. The sister, a 41-year-old lawyer, had completed the race before; her brother was running for the first time, and she had come along for support. He seemed genuinely nervous about what was about to happen to him.

I asked her what it felt like to finish. "It's an amazing accomplishment," she said. "Sometimes I'll find myself sitting in a particularly hectic or stressful meeting and I'll think to myself, 'This is nothing. I've run 100 miles before, I've done something truly amazing.'"

The pre-race welcome speech lasted for a mostly dreary hour. Various people in charge of organizing the race chipped in with rah-rah sentiments, the mayor of Leadville welcomed us graciously, and a doctor gave everyone some tips on how not to die while running 100 miles at altitude: Don't get struck by lightning. Eat lots of food. Tylenol is OK. But ibuprofen will kill your ass dead.

Things got good near the end, though, when Ken Chlouber's son, Cole, took the microphone. It's a tradition for Ken to close things out with a "Fire em' up" speech that gets everyone excited about the race, but Ken wasn't available due to a family emergency. So it fell to his son to bring the fire and brimstone. He brought it:

"My daddy was a hard-rock miner. And when you're a hard-rock miner you go way down into the pit and through the tunnel, and you come to what is known as the Face. And at the Face you're alone in the cold, and you take that steel and you drill. You drill and you take that dynamite and you blast and you walk on rock until you're done. You don't quit and you keep going. The Face is called the Truth, and the Truth is where all of you are today. At 4 a.m. you're gonna start on that starting line, you're gonna go through the toughest, baddest mountains Colorado has to offer, and you're gonna turn around and do it again."

And: "Within each and everyone one of you is a well of grit, gut, determination, and resolve."

And: "We want you to take this success, take it through life, and make your lives count. Make them better."

And: "The race is about you. Only you. ... We all have one goal: You getting that buckle on Sunday.

And: "If you quit, you're gonna let yourself down, and you're gonna have to face that."

Anyone who's seen a sports movie could imagine the scene. Each line fell like a blow from a rock hammer, and the crowd belonged to Cole. He finished by leading everyone in a chant of, "I will commit! I won't quit!" and he stepped off the stage to a standing ovation. It occurred to me, maybe a little cynically, that many of these people standing and clapping, vowing to commit and not to quit, would never see the finish line.

* * *

On race-day morning, at 3:30 a.m., Leadville's popular coffee shop, City on The Hill, was packed full of people, and a line stretched out the door in the darkness. It was about a block away from the start and finish point on Harrison, and runners and their crew members had come for one last sip of coffee and bite of muffin, and a reprieve from the biting cold outside. Nobody looked like they had gotten much sleep, and many of the racers were having trouble hiding their anxiety. Deep breaths and nervous chuckles were heard in every corner.

I sat down next to a runner who, like everyone else in the coffee shop, was decked out in the most modern racing attire: CamelBak hydration backpack, arm-warmer sleeves, compression socks, and a pair of expensive running shoes. He told me that this was his first 100-mile race, but that he had been an avid runner since college. He'd entered the race to test himself, and he said he didn't know if he would be able to really feel like himself if he were unable to finish.

Boom Or Bust: 48 Hours At Leadville's Treacherous UltramarathonPain cannot be ignored; it has be to be conquered, and when it inevitably returns, it has to be conquered again.

At 4 a.m. sharp, the starting gun went off. As the mass of runners ambled down the street, Merilee Maupin, from a platform above them, shouted, "You can do more than you think you can!" and, "I will commit! I won't quit!" into a microphone over and over again. The runners made their way toward the mountains, invisible in the blackness of the distance, with the way lit only by the bulbs in their headlamps. I realized that almost all of these people would see the sun rise, set, and rise again before they had finished running, and I started to see some value in the organizers' Tony Robbins routine.

* * *

A few hours later, I drove to spend most of the morning and afternoon at the aid station in the nearby town of Twin Lakes, which marks the 40- and 60-mile point, going and coming back. The way was easy and flat, with the road turning to dirt only when I reached the speck on the map that was the town itself, in a low valley on the way up to Hope Pass, the highest point of the race.

One side of the road, opposite the station, was lined with a small crop of double-wide trailers, which serve as homes to Twin Lakes' sparse population. The station itself was the size of a two-car garage, with three walls and a tin roof. The runners entered it from one side, where a computer logged their time by reading a computer chip on their wrists. They were free to stay inside as long as they liked, with a plethora of snacks (bananas, sandwiches, watermelon, M&M's, soup) and drinks (water, soda, Rocktane) for refueling. All the aid stations were much the same, although a few of them required runners to go through a medical checkup before proceeding.

I got to Twin Lakes at 10 a.m., just in time to see the leaders zoom through the station without stopping for any food or water. There weren't many spectators there to see them, but that didn't mean they lacked fans. As Tony Krupicka, the leader at the time, ran past us, a woman sidled up next to me and said, rather lustfully, "If only we all could run like that. He's amazing."

After a few hours, the atmosphere started to change, as the crews began showing up to see their runners through. The day had warmed considerably by now, and many runners peeled off layers of clothes to leave with their crews. Cars parked on every available piece of road, trunks popped, lawn chairs were set up, and coolers full of beer and snacks opened as the crews settled in. It suddenly felt like a music festival rather than an endurance athletic event.

Once the runners arrived, though, the crews went taut. Each team fed and clothed its runner with impressive speed and efficiency, a pit crew without mechanics. One crew went so far as to create a prayer circle for its nauseated runner: "Please, speak to his stomach, Lord."

By the time the glut of runners at the back of the pack made it into Twin Lakes, the area around the aid station was packed full of crew members and spectators. At one point it was so crowded that the runners exiting the station had to pick their way through the crowd before finding the open road again. Nobody seemed to mind. An overwhelmingly positive attitude had taken root.

It began with the aid station volunteers, mostly locals, who were there to cheerlead just as much as to provide material assistance. Every runner was told that they were "lookin' great," and "doin' just fine." One volunteer, who had DNF (did not finish) with an X through it written on his arm, was especially adamant.

Spectators were in the spirit, too. For about an hour two girls stood in front of the aid station and screamed for every runner who came down the hill: "Oh man, look at this champion in the blue shirt coming our way! You are beautiful, Blue Shirt!" One of them had a kazoo, which she sometimes blew to the rhythm of a military march while saluting the passing runners. Neither one of them knew any of the people they were cheering for.

On the other side of the aid station, a bunch of guys lined up to bark encouragements at the runners, addressing them by their bib numbers. "Hey, you're doing a great job, 278. Just keep moving." "541 lookin' good! You're killing it right now, don't quit!" Behind them a chorus of cow bells and cheers rose from the crowd each time a runner went by.

* * *

After Lorblanchet and the rest of the pros finish the race, a website with live-updating results and checkpoint times lets me know that it will be many hours before another runner sees the finish line. After seeing Tony Krupicka, a two-time winner, finish fourth, I leave the quiet downtown and drive back up into the mountains.

Past midnight, I'm at the Mile 87 station, on a hilltop near a river dam. A volunteer is announcing the name of each runner over a small sound system as he or she comes in off the paved, wooded road outside, wobbly and shivering. The temperature can't be more than 40 degrees, and the clear black sky offers a bit of moonlight to help light the way. Many of the runners who enter the station fall into a severe limp as soon as their running strides break, making me worry that they'll never be able to start up again. There's an edge to the encouragement now as the runners huddle under their brown Army blankets, needing to be willed back out and forced to continue by the ever-positive volunteers and crew members.

I'm looking for something dramatic among the nonprofessional runners at this aid station, deep in the crisis point of the race: a fit of vomiting, violent delirium, tears, something that I can tell friends about later. But the runners pausing here carry solemn, heavy looks of pain and determination. I feel guilty for gawking, let alone thinking about interviewing them. They are somewhere else, far away in their own world of weathered punishment and physical agony, and the last thing they need is some jerk who's maybe a bit chilly but very much not in physical pain crowding under the heat lamp with them to ask stupid questions.

Around 1:30 a.m., with a steady stream of runners still passing through the station, I make my way back to my car, wrap myself in blankets, and pull my beanie down over my eyes. For more than 20 hours, I've been watching the packs of runners pass through various aid stations. By now, it seems less like a race, something with a particular competitive object, than like a communal exercise in self-affirmation. To run in the race is to suffer, but also to be constantly told how wonderful you were—to feel a whole world of complete strangers supporting you and cheering you on.

* * *

Now it's 8 a.m. The temperature has warmed considerably, and the sun glows in a cloudless sky. The race had its winner more than 12 hours ago, yet the crowd has grown and grown since Lorblanchet's moment of triumph. Throngs of people line 6th Street to watch the last, and largest, crop of racers come down the final stretch. The race clock reads 28:00.

Top-40 music blares from a sound system, and cheers rise over it each time another runner approaches. Two volunteers are waiting, stretching out a new piece of finish-line tape between them for every single runner to snap. The supply of finish-line tape is endless.

The atmosphere is palpably charged, as it never was for mere victory. This is the climax of the race, this parade of also-rans, cheered back into Leadville by their friends and family members. Each runner's name and hometown is called out at the finish, and Merilee Maupin is there with a hard-earned belt buckle and a sincere, prolonged hug.

Every man or woman who crosses the line turns to mush, half-standing, some so bent and hobbled that they need to be carried into the final aid station by the race medical staff. Some of them are accompanied across the line by their families. Some of them unleash guttural and triumphant screams before bending over in exhaustion. Some of them weep.

The one common emotion at the finish line, though, is joy. Even the runners who come to the end slack-jawed and nearly catatonic have a look of pure bliss growing behind their thousand-yard stares, and everyone watching is eminently sincere and genuine in expressing their happiness for those who have made it to the end. Everyone just feels so damn good. So good, in fact, that two marriage proposals occur at the finish line.

That little onrush of cynicism that I felt during Cole Chlouber's speech two days prior seems silly now. As I watch runner after runner come across the finish line, I keep thinking about what Krupicka, the fourth-place finisher, said the day before the race began. Krupicka is one of the best ultrarunners in the country, having won the Leadville Trail 100 in 2006 and 2007. I'd asked him what it's like to run a 100-mile race.

He said: "A classic slogan is that, 'It doesn't always keep getting worse.' You can be feeling really terrible at mile 70, and then 10 miles later be feeling great. Which sort of defies logic, you know? That's sort of the special thing about running 100 miles, going through those peaks and valleys and persevering through them and making it to the finish line. ... You have to have this optimism that you can persevere and have some control, too. You have the choice when shit's going bad to be tough and not get down on yourself and just hang on, because it will turn around eventually."

Control. If these people were looking for affirming rhetoric, the stuff that's been washing over them from volunteers and spectators for the past 30 hours, they could have found it in places that didn't involve a crushing run through the Rockies. The goal here was something interior: No one completes an ultramarathon half-heartedly. In order to finish a race like this, you have to be in complete command of your mind and body. Every spasm of nausea, dizziness, and muscle cramps has to be met with resolve and the certainty that this situation can be made better; that all of the pain rising in your body can be tamed for longer than it has ever been before.

An ultrarunner can't set a nagging ache aside because he or she is almost done. There is no "almost done" in a race like this. Pain cannot be ignored; it has be to be conquered, and when it inevitably returns, it has to be conquered again. Those who take on this race, whether they finish it or not, get to experience a level of mastery over their own actions that they most likely never experience in any other facet of their lives. These people come to Leadville because they want to know what that mastery feels like. They come to a fragile place built on fads and bubbles—from silver to molybdenum to distance running—to run a race that is ultimately about creating and sustaining your own unburstable bubble of hope and willpower.

Boom Or Bust: 48 Hours At Leadville's Treacherous Ultramarathon

The runner in the photo above reaches the finish five minutes after the 30-hour cutoff, the first entrant to have missed it. He crosses the finish line in a slow jog, buries his face into his hands, and bends over into a pose of defeat. He stays this for a long while, as a group of people gather around him, offering consolation. He ignores them. After having spent 30 hours conquering so much on those mountain trails, his journey was all for nothing; a waste of money, time, and energy.

That's what his body language seems to say, at least. But I and everyone else at that finish line know better than that.

Greg Hardy Tells The Falcons To Get The Fuck Off His Field, Gets Trolled By Matt Bryant

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It was Week 4 when Matt Ryan told the Carolina Panthers to "get the fuck off of his field" at the conclusion of his team's dramatic victory over the lowly Panthers. Headed into this week's rematch, it became known that the Panthers were still agitated by Ryan's boasting, and were looking to get some revenge.

And did they ever! Panthers defensive end Greg Hardy was so excited after his team's 30-20 drubbing of the Falcons that he decided to give them a taste of their own medicine, marching around after the game and telling every Falcon he could spot to get right off of his field. It was a nice moment for Hardy, until Falcons kicker Matt Bryant turned the tables on him with a great troll line: "Enjoy watching us in January!" You've been roasted, Greg Hardy.

Root For Adrian Peterson, Because Football Is An Asshole

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Root For Adrian Peterson, Because Football Is An Asshole After running for 157 yards against the Bears on Sunday, Adrian Peterson is 506 yards away from breaking the single-season rushing record, something he told SI's Peter King that he is very serious about doing. It's a stretch, but not quite an impossible stretch: Peterson is averaging 123 rushing yards per game so far, and would need to average 169 over the Vikings' final three games to break Eric Dickerson's record.

That record has stood for 28 years now. Only four players have come within 99 yards of it—the closest, Jamal Lewis in 2003, came into his final game needing 154 yards and only got 114. At this level of accomplishment, a 114-yard game counts as a disappointment.

And here is Peterson, with 1,600 yards, already good for the 50th best season of all time. Peterson is also, as you may recall, less than one year removed from tearing both his ACL and MCL while suffering this vicious hit. It was a devastating injury, one that most athletes need at least a full year to recover from (if they recover at all). And yet, somehow, Peterson is leading the league in rushing and doing stuff like this:

Root For Adrian Peterson, Because Football Is An Asshole

Adrian Peterson has no business running like he is right now. That's what's so heartening about this particular bid for the record. More than any other sport, football is constantly trying to destroy its players. It's damn near impossible for any player to make it through an entire season without having to deal with some kind of injury, and every player is on the precipice of having their season or career ended in an instant.

This can make being a football fan a total bummer, because you're always half-expecting the worst things to happen to the players you like the most. It's hard to imagine that anyone was surprised when Robert Griffin III left Sunday's game after nearly getting his leg snapped like a twig. The excitement of rooting for someone like RGIII, Michael Vick, and Adrian Peterson is always tinged with dread—the heroics look unbelievable because they are unbelievable, and sooner or later the game will prove it. Can't keep taking those risks like that. Them's the breaks.

But what Peterson is doing flies in the face of that somber resignation. The careers of Terrell Davis, Willis McGahee, Deuce McAllister, and Ki-Jana Carter warned against expecting any kind of bounce-back season. Peterson should have become just another name on the long list of players who've had their careers cut short by the inherently violent nature of the game. And yet, there he is, still running just as hard and forcefully as he ever has, succeeding where he shouldn't be. For once, it would be nice to see a player get the better of the game.

Chicago Man Stabs Bar Patron In The Neck, Throws His Own Shit All Over A Police Station

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Chicago Man Stabs Bar Patron In The Neck, Throws His Own Shit All Over A Police Station Having to go the bathroom at a bar is the worst. It always smells like piss and shit, everything is either soaking wet or sticky, drunk dudes always want to strike up a conversation, and sometimes crazy people jump out from the bathroom stall and stab you in the neck with a broken beer bottle. From the Chicago Tribune:

At 12:26 a.m. Sunday, officers were called to the Red Ivy sports bar at 3525 N. Clark St., where the 25-year-old suburban victim told officers Greaves jumped out of a bathroom stall and attacked him with a broken beer bottle, slicing him on both sides of the throat, according to a police report.

Gah! I will never set foot in another bar bathroom for as long as I live. Luckily, the victim survived, and the best part of this story doesn't come until the stabber was taken to the police station for processing.

Greaves refused to wear his pants and yelled obscenities while being processed at a police station. Also, while being processed, the man defecated into his hands and threw the matter onto the floor of the station, the report stated.

OK, so we're obviously dealing with a crazy person, but Mr. Greaves's attorney wisely cautions us not to rush to judgement.

Outside of court, Greaves defense attorney, Kevin McCubbin, said: "All I've got to tell you is there's two sides to it."

Indeed. Don't judge a bathroom-stabber until you've walked a mile with his shit in your hands, or something.

[Tribune]

Andrew Bynum Finally Explains What's Going On With His Hair

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Andrew Bynum Finally Explains What's Going On With His Hair Man, Andrew Bynum is such a bummer. Yesterday, he spoke to reporters about the status of his weakened knees, and he didn't have much to offer in the way of encouragement. His left knee still hurts a lot, his right knee is not as swollen as it used to be, and he has taken up swimming. That about covers it.

Bynum did, however, address the issue of his hair, and offered an explanation for why he continues to grow his hair out, and why he slicked it down like a weirdo that one time.

How much higher can the afro grow?
"Oh man, I want it to go forever, man. There's going to come and point in time where it's not going to be growing, so I might as well enjoy it while I have it."

Why flatten it like Dora the Explorer that one time?
"It wasn't Dora, man. It was ‘Pimp Named Slickback' (a character from The Boondocks cartoon). No, I flattened it because it gets boring picking it out all the time."

We want your hair to grow forever too, Andrew.

[Sixers Dish]

Photoshop Contest: Knocked-Out Manny Pacquiao

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Photoshop Contest: Knocked-Out Manny Pacquiao The knockout that Manny Pacquiao suffered at the hands of Juan Márquez on Saturday night was one of the most vicious you will ever see. While the boxing world continues to reel at the Pac-Man's downfall, we just can't stop laughing at the sight of Pacquiao laying unconscious on the mat, his arms tucked neatly underneath his stomach. The image is, in fact, perfectly suited for a Photoshop contest.

That's where you come in. You guys know the drill by now. Use the isolated photo of sleeping Pacquiao below, and insert him into whatever situation you deem to be the most hilarious. Put your entry in the discussion section. If you make a good one, you could win a prize.

Get to it!

Photoshop Contest: Knocked-Out Manny Pacquiao

Josh Brent Had To Be Begged To Pull Jerry Brown From Burning Car, Witness Says

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Josh Brent Had To Be Begged To Pull Jerry Brown From Burning Car, Witness Says Yesterday, the Dallas Morning News posted a video in which Stacee McWilliams, a Dallas resident who happened upon the aftermath of the car wreck that was caused by Cowboys defensive tackle Josh Brent and killed linebacker Jerry Brown, describes how she had to urge Brent to pull his friend and teammate out of the burning car.

In the video, which you can watch below, McWilliams claims that when she arrived at the scene of the accident, Brent was pacing near his overturned car, and did not immediately alert her to the fact someone else was in the car. It was not until flames near the engine got larger that McWilliams claims she heard Brown crying for help from inside the car, at which point she had to convince Brent to try to pull Brown out of the car. "I want people to understand that Josh Brent is not a hero," McWilliams says.

[Dallas Morning News]


Paul Tagliabue Agrees With Goodell's Bountygate Findings, Vacates All Player Fines And Suspensions, Confuses Everyone

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Paul Tagliabue Agrees With Goodell's Bountygate Findings, Vacates All Player Fines And Suspensions, Confuses Everyone Just a few minutes ago, former NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue, who was tabbed to hear the second round of appeals brought forward by the players involved in the Saints bounty scandal, passed down his ruling. And it is confusing. NFL spokesperson Greg Aiello is currently tweeting out Tagliabue's statement piece by piece, but it essentially boils down to this: Everything Roger Goodell accused the Saints players and coaches of doing in regards to carrying out a bounty program is 100 percent correct, but since this whole case has become a big, jumbled clusterfuck, none of the players should be fined or suspended. Um, what?

Read Aiello's tweets for yourself. See if you can figure it out:

Tony Parker Celebrated His First Triple-Double With A Customized Dessert

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Tony Parker Celebrated His First Triple-Double With A Customized Dessert Last night, Tony Parker recorded the first triple-double of his career, putting up an impressive stat line of 27-12-12 against the Houston Rockets. Good job, Tony!

After the game, Parker went out for a celebratory meal, and the restaurant was kind enough to make him the dessert plate that you see in the picture here. Look at how happy he is! We could all use more textualized, self-affirming plates of food in our lives. Toddlers and people who are retiring have had that market cornered for way too long.

[Twitter]

Braylon Edwards Is Headed Back To The Jets, For Some Reason

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Braylon Edwards Is Headed Back To The Jets, For Some Reason Remember last week, when Braylon Edwards said some nasty things about the New York Jets' management when he took to Twitter to defend Mark Sanchez? I believe he referred to those "calling the shots" as "idiots." Surely, the Jets wouldn't want anything to do with a guy like that.

Oh. Well, at least now Mark Sanchez will have someone around to raise his spirits the next time he buttfumbles.

Deadspin Up All Night: You And I Look Good Together

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Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. We hope you had a good time with us today. We'll be back at it tomorrow, bringing you hot sports takes and holiday cheer.

Patrick Kane Is Living It Up In Switzerland With His Mom

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Patrick Kane Is Living It Up In Switzerland With His Mom We already knew that Patrick Kane was playing hockey in Switzerland during the NHL lockout, thanks to his appearance in this Swiss hellscape. But what we didn't know is that Kane, the notorious party boy, is currently living in Switzerland with his mom. His real-life mom!

You know how when your mom dropped you off at college and she was like, "Oh my gosh, you're going to be so lonely out here and who is going to cook for you and oh dear maybe I should just stay?" and then you both laughed at how silly of an idea that was and your mom eventually went home? Well Patrick Kane's mom actually followed through on that pipe dream. From the Wall Street Journal:

What sets the 24-year-old Kane apart from the other players, aside from his status as a former NHL Rookie of the Year and Stanley Cup winner, is that when he came to Europe, he imported a support network: his mom.

"And when I got here, I was like, 'There's just no way,'" Donna Kane said. "I cook for him every day. There's only like five stations on television. There's not much really to do. It's kind of lonely."

Adorable! The two are living together in a sparsely furnished house close to his Swiss team's rink, which you might imagine gets kind of awkward when Kane wants to unleash his wild side. Not so!

In Biel with his mother, he has been a homebody. Most evenings after practice, they stay in and watch movies or American television shows on a laptop. Even on days off, he barely leaves the place, and that is mainly to work out at the arena. Donna finds it challenging to stave off boredom-she hardly knows anyone here and her husband and three daughters are back home in Buffalo. But for now she sees it as part of her job as a hockey mom.

Oh dear. Look, if you're a male between the ages of 18-24, do not let your mom read this article. She can't know that this is possible.

[WSJ]

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