As reported by Yahoo's Adrian Wojnarowski, Avery Johnson is no longer the head coach of the Brooklyn Nets. The Nets, now with a 14-14 record, have been underwhelming during their first season in Brooklyn, and Johnson's firing comes on the heels of star point guard Deron Williams publicly complaining about the shortcomings of Johnson's offensive system. You may remember that Williams was widely blamed for Jerry Sloan's departure from the Utah Jazz. Williams better get used to carrying the "coach killer" label throughout the rest of his career.
It's a tough exit for Johnson, who was named the coach of the month in November after leading his team to an 11-4 record to start the season, and was once considered one of the best coaches in the NBA. It's unlikely that we've seen the last of the Little General, though. If he doesn't find another head coaching job, he's likely to land a studio gig somewhere.
Also, Johnson's son is not taking this well:
This is a fuxking Outrage. My dad is a great coach, he just got coach of the month and they Fire him. #Smh. Completely new team he had.
According to multiple reports, former Yankees outfielder Hideki Matsui is set to announce his retirement from baseball. Matsui played seven seasons with the Yankees before making one-year stops with the Angels, Athletics, and Rays. He will always be remembered for collecting big hits in Game 6 of the 2003 ALCS and Game 2 of the World Seri—ah, who are we kidding. He's going to be remembered for owning a massive porn collection.
And, of course, he likes to watch his much vaunted porno collection, tapes that he often trades with Japanese reporters. As one Japanese journalist put it, describing Matsui's affinity for such unique Japanese cultural institutions like the no-panties shabu-shabu in Japan, "Matsui is a horny guy. All of us are horny, more or less. But Matsui doesn't attempt to hide the fact." Yet another win for the Japanese Everyman.
This information went largely unremarked upon for years, until "much vaunted" became more concrete in 2012 when GQ cited Matsui's porn collection as 55,000 videos strong:
The owner of 55,000 adult vids, Matsui ran out of gifts for writers at his first American press event. "Sorry," he said, "I'll get porn for the rest of you."
Free porn for writers! What a guy! Not much has been said about Matsui's skin collection since then, although our own Drew Magary tried once tried to figure out if Matsui could have possibly watched all of those videos, and decided that he had probably just watched each one for a few seconds.
Well, that's clearly going to change now. Matsui is about to enter a new stage of his life, one that is filled with leisure and decadence and a constant stream of fresh pornography. If only the rest of us could be so lucky. Oh, right, we have the internet. I almost forgot about that.
On Dec. 21, former Louisville football player Patrick Grant filed a lawsuit against the university and head football coach Charlie Strong. In the lawsuit, Grant claims that he was asked to cover up the circumstances of an assault that he suffered at the hands of two teammates. On Oct. 24, 2010, Grant was allegedly beaten by teammates Isaac and Jacob Geffrad in the football team's locker room. Grant sustained serious injuries, including a blowout fracture and head trauma. Grant claims that the team's trainer instructed him to lie about how his injuries were sustained while the two were on the way to the hospital. From wdrb.com:
"On the way to the hospital, the team's trainer told Patrick to lie and cover up the fact that his injuries were at the hands of his teammates," the lawsuit indicates. "Out of fear and desire to play, Patrick lied as instructed, telling the doctor that he was horsing around in the locker room and hit his eye on a locker door."
Isaac and Jacob Geffrad were eventually charged with assault on Jan. 28, 2011 and kicked off the football team.
Grant also claims that he was unable to continue playing football due to his injuries, but was allowed to keep his athletic scholarship for 2011-2012, that is until it was revoked by coach Strong this January without explanation:
But according to the lawsuit, that scholarship was canceled on Jan. 4, 2012. When Grant protested that the cancellation broke an agreement, Coach Charlie Strong, "simply ended the call and hung up the phone," according to the lawsuit.
The lawsuit claims that it was a violation of NCAA bylaws for Strong to revoke the scholarship. Grant is seeking to have his scholarship reinstated and damages awarded.
The junior ice hockey world championships are currently underway in Russia, and these kids are not messing around. The video above comes from today's contest between Canada and Slovakia, and features Canadian Anthony Camara absolutely demolishing Slovakia's Patrik Luza with a vicious forecheck.
The hit wasn't explicitly dirty, as Camara didn't leave his feet or take a direct shot at the head, but the effect on Luza—who went limp while falling to the ice and needed to be taken off on a stretcher—was devastating. We recommend that any hockey fans currently suffering through the NHL lockout take some time to quench their thirst for violence with a bit of high-impact junior hockey.
What does a college football coach do in order to celebrate escaping allegations of abusing his players? He heads to Key West, throws on some cargo shorts and a nice pair of sandals, and chills the fuck out.
We can't say for sure that Leach is macking on the young lady in the stylish shoes. He's leaning in close enough to suggest that he is, but that awkward arm placement gives us pause. On the other hand, the young lady is looking rather allured.
Update: Leach also signed a coaster for the young lady on whom he was possibly macking:
33 Bowl Games Ranked As If They Were Dishes | Hereforth are the current bowl games, ranked in descending order from most to least appealing to imagine as an actual bowl, whether in contents or material. Read »
The description of this YouTube video reads: "if the redskins make the playoffs, i'm going to tackle the christmas tree!" - dad. Well, dad did not disappoint, and we are all better for it. I can't imagine an image that more perfectly captures the joy of holiday season football than that of a grown-ass man in a John Riggins jersey flying headlong into his Christmas tree.
Well, look what we have here. That's Fox Sports' Jay Glazer getting credited—with his actual name this time—on SportsCenter for first reporting that the Browns had fired head coach Pat Shurmur. This is somewhat of a big deal, as it comes on the heels of yesterday's Twitter kerfuffle between Glazer and ESPN news editor Steve Peresman over ESPN's use of the term "sources" when reporting a story that has already hit other media outlets (yesterday's example was Sean Payton signing a contract extension). Glazer's beef was not only an issue of "who had it first," but of ESPN co-opting Glazer as an ESPN asset by dropping the "sources" umbrella over him and other reporters.
But today brings what seems to be a peace offering of sorts. Glazer tweeted that the Browns had fired Shurmur 15 minutes before ESPN's Adam Schefter got around to reporting the same information. Glazer had Schefter beat by three minutes with the Sean Payton story, but today he earned himself some individual recognition. So there you go, Jay. Just beat Schefter by at least 15 minutes from now on, and ESPN will acknowledge you as an actual human being.
On Saturday, Kevin Baxter of the Los Angeles Times wrote a column about the obstacles that a potentially gay athlete still faces in today's locker room culture. Included in the piece is the following quote from Detroit Tigers center fielder Torii Hunter:
For me, as a Christian…I will be uncomfortable because in all my teachings and all my learning, biblically, it's not right. It will be difficult and uncomfortable.
Today, Hunter struck back via Twitter and claimed that he was misquoted:
I'm very disappointed in Kevin Baxter's article in which my quotes and feelings have been misrepresented. He took two completely separate quotes and made them into one quote that does not express how I feel as a Christian or a human being . I have love and respect for all human beings regardless of race, color or sexual orientation. I am not perfect and try hard to live the best life I can and treat all people with respect. If you know me you know that I am not anti anything and to be portrayed as anti-gay in this article is hurtful and just not true.
[Fart noise]. I mean, it's pretty hard to see how Hunter's comments were misrepresented here. There aren't many ways you can spin something like: "I will be uncomfortable because in all my teachings and all my learning, biblically, it's not right." But good for Hunter standing up and proclaiming his love and respect for all human beings, even the ones who make him uncomfortable with all of their gross, unholy gay sex.
There was a lot of ranting to be done in 2012. Some of it was carried out by us, and some of it was carried out by people who may actually be crazy. Enjoy all the yelling.
The mere existence of a defined-benefit retirement plan offended an ownership class that had looked around and seen that every other business owner in America had already broken that particular contract. Read »
The Boston Celtics are an icon. The Boston Taco Bell/KFC Celtics would be a bunch of guys in green and pink and purple and red pajamas. It's not worth it. Read »
There are times when American copyright law prevents us from bringing you the vivid photography and video you've come to expect from Deadspin. On these occasions, we are forced to turn to more rudimentary forms of representation: MS Paint drawings. Here is a collection of drawings by this site's editor in chief, Tommy Craggs, from the past year or so. Enjoy.
In recent years, the NBA has showcased a variety of creative three-point celebrations. We've seen the championship belt, the three goggles, and the three-to-the-head, among others. But none of those moves are quite like what JaVale McGee dropped on us last night after hitting a buzzer-beating three (his first of the season).
McGee stirs up what looks like an imaginary yet delicious bowl of food, then proceeds to lick the sweet taste of victory off three of his fingers. Even better than the celebration itself is the fact that McGee—who had attempted four three-pointers in his entire career before last night—had clearly practiced the move beforehand, and was simply waiting for the perfect time to unleash it.
You probably don't know much about Lazar Hayward. He was drafted out of Marquette by the Minnesota Timberwolves at the end of the first round in the 2010 draft, was traded to Oklahoma City a year ago, was then shipped to Houston as part of the James Harden deal, and was finally released in October.
But now Hayward has returned to the T-Wolves organization. This normally wouldn't be big deal, except that Hayward has come back to Minnesota with revelations about his relationship with the undead. From the Star Tribune:
Out of the NBA and out of basketball since Houston waived him in October, the Wolves' former first-round draft pick has worked recently with two Los Angeles mediums who he says have guided him on a spiritual quest that dates to his childhood.
"I've always just had a lot of questions spiritually because I always kind of seen stuff when I was a kid and I used to tell friends and they'd look at me and say, 'Lazar, you might need some help,' " he said laughing during a surreal post-practice conversation with reporters. "So they used to make fun of me. I just had a lot of questions because I've always just wondered."
Don't get too excited, though. Hayward isn't a genuine medium quite yet, as he can't speak to any of the ghosts he sees.
"I've actually been able to see a spirit," Hayward said. "I can't talk to them yet, but I have seen them."
Still, this is very exciting news! If the T-Wolves are smart, they will immediately institute a halftime video segment at home games in which Hayward tells the crowd about what spirits he has seen that week. They could call it "What Kind Of Spirits Has Lazar Hayward Seen This Week?" It would be a hit.
The video above was released today by the hacktivist outfit KnightSec, which has been leading the digital crusade in response to the alleged rape of a 16-year-old girl at the hands of two Steubenville (Ohio) High School football players. In the video, Michael Nodianos, a former Steubenville High student and baseball player, talks flippantly about the accuser on the night of the incident.
Nodianos has been connected to the case since the beginning. His tweets on the night of the alleged rape helped investigators form a hazy picture of what took place that night, and the video here was mentioned in a thorough New York Times story about the case, but was not readily available to the public until now.
The video is over 12 minutes long. It's not very easy to watch. Nodianos tells jokes about how "dead" the alleged victim is and openly and jokingly acknowledges that she has been raped. Some quotes:
He's puttin' a wang in the butthole, dude.
They peed on her. That's how you know she's dead, because someone pissed on her.
They raped her harder than that cop raped Marcellus Wallace in Pulp Fiction.
They raped her quicker than Mike Tyson raped that one girl.
They raped her more than the Duke lacrosse team.
Her puss is about as dry as the sun right now.
It isn't really rape because you don't know if she wanted to or not.
At one point, a voice belonging to someone off-camera says, "Trent and Ma'lik raped someone." The two boys charged in the rape are Trent Mays and Ma'lik Richmond. It's unclear how many other Steubenville students are in the room at the time, although at least two of them, who remain off-camera, admonish Nodianos for making light of a rape. "What if that was your daughter?" one of them asks. Nodianos replies simply, "But it isn't."
On Nov. 27, the Bucknell men's basketball team defeated Dartmouth 62-49. I can only assume that the game was as boring and sloppy as the final score makes it seem, but that didn't stop the play-by-play announcer from becoming completely euphoric after witnessing a rather mundane layup.
At the 12-second mark of the video above, Bucknell's Mike Muscala converts an and-one layup on what the AP described as the turning point of the game. The announcer must have sensed the momentous nature of the play. He reacts to it by flipping the fuck out, teaching all of us how to spell "good," and then cackling like a goddamn madman. God help this man if he ever has to call an NCAA tournament game, where things that are actually exciting happen.
Well, that didn't take long. After suffering through a real clusterfuck of a firing process, it looks like Andy Reid has already found himself a new home. ESPN is citing sources (actual sources this time, not Jay Glazer) who are claiming that a deal with the Kansas City Chiefs is imminent:
The two sides spent the day Wednesday meeting at a private airport in the Philadelphia area. Reid had been scheduled to fly to Arizona to speak to Cardinals officials about their head coaching opening, but talks progressed with the Chiefs to the point where no hangups are expected.
The Chiefs' contingent of officials included owner Clark Hunt, general manager Scott Pioli, executive Ryan Petkoff and president Mark Donovan, who used to work in Philadelphia with Reid.
By the end of the day, the expectation amongst the parties in attendance was that a deal would be wrapped up.
One assistant coach aligned with Reid even texted Thursday morning that he is going to Kansas City, not Arizona.
Man, having a secret meeting in an airport sounds miserable. Anyway, the Chiefs were one of the few teams in the league who were more miserable than the Eagles this year, so Reid will have his work cut out for him. Still, he will have some tantalizing weapons in Jamaal Charles and Dwayne Bowe, who have never played for a coach with the kind of pedigree and successful track record that Reid brings. And who knows what the Chiefs will be able to pull off in the offseason. Maybe they'll find themselves a functional quarterback.
Regardless, Chiefs fans should be excited about having a competent sad walrus on the sideline next year rather than just a regular sad walrus.
Rick Scarpulla knows a thing or two about strength training. He is currently the head strength and conditioning coach for the United States Military Academy at West Point's powerlifting team, and is the creator of the Ultimate Athlete Training Program. He has also trained numerous high school, college, and professional athletes and conducts CrossFit seminars all over the world.
He's here now to share his knowledge about getting strong with all of you. So go ahead and ask him whatever questions you've got about fitness and strength training. He's here to help.
It's easy enough to be cynical about Ray Lewis, after the 17-year veteran linebacker announced his impending retirement yesterday. In the foreground, there's the recent image of Lewis, now that the years have reduced his ability to contribute on-field: the ridiculous, spasmodic dancing; the incessant sideline woofing; the hoarse, overwrought motivational speeches; the weird proclamations about evil's relationship to football. He's a self-caricature of fearsomeness, in the absence of fearsome play.
In the background, meanwhile, as everyone tries to put Lewis's legacy and his accomplishments into perspective, there's the looming, out-of-scale shadow of Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar, who don't get to register their opinions, because they're dead. They bled out on the street in Atlanta 13 years ago, beaten and fatally knifed, after a brawl with Lewis and his friends outside a nightclub. Lewis fled with his companions in a stretch limo, disposing of his bloodstained suit somewhere along the way. He was initially indicted on a murder charge, then pleaded down to obstruction of justice after agreeing to testify against his friends Reginald Oakley and Joseph Sweeting. Neither was convicted, and Lewis eventually reached undisclosed cash settlements with the victims' families.
And there's the implicit connection between the murder trial and the overcooked shtick, Lewis's gridiron-preacherman persona as an attempt to bury the ugly parts of his past. Who can see his near-tearful true passion for the game, his insistent leadership, and think of the role he may have played in the murder of two men? In that light, there's something simultaneously desperate and calculating in his performance of the Platonic Ideal of the Middle Linebacker. Ray Lewis is all about football, and football isn't played outside nightclubs at 4 a.m.
But he did play football. And that was the thing that couldn't help but be overwhelming and inspiring about Ray Lewis—not the way he talked about playing, but the way he played. On Tuesday, University of South Carolina defensive end Jadeveon Clowney laid a hit on Michigan running back Vincent Smith that sent the internet into a tizzy. It was a wonderful hit, worthy of all the praise that was heaped upon it. Anyone who enjoyed watching Clowney annihilate Smith, though, should do themselves a favor and watch the tackles made by Ray Lewis in this highlight video.
Hit after hit is just as perfectly executed and sublimely violent as Clowney's. Lewis—with his speed, preternatural sense of where the play was going, and overwhelming physicality—spent his entire career making the kind of tackles that light up the internet today, tackle after tackle after tackle, hammering a shoulder into the ball carrier and dropping him securely to the ground. As a 22-year-old, he had 156 tackles in a season.
He was a terrifying physical presence, so much so that he could look like a Division I-bound prospect toying with the regular high-school kids. This was never more apparent than in the moments in which Lewis got his hands on a live ball, and the offensive players were forced to try and tackle the rolling granite boulder that Lewis would become. Right around the 7:10 mark in that highlight reel, there's the play in which Lewis yanks a bobbled ball and a chance at the AFC championship game away from Eddie George and the Tennessee Titans. George grabs his leg at midfield, and Lewis shakes him off. Crossing the 25, Lewis shrugs off a tackle from 6-foot-7, 320-pound lineman Fred Miller. Inside the 10, he outruns a diving Frank Wycheck. The Titans had the best record in the conference, and they couldn't do anything about him.
Lewis hasn't been the punishing player he once was for some time now. He's still the leader of the consistently excellent Ravens defense, but he spends much more of his time on the field jumping on the top of dogpiles rather than crushing running backs. The ascendancy of Ray Lewis the caricature over Ray Lewis the linebacker will likely continue, now that he's reportedly set to join ESPN as an NFL analyst. But if Lewis ends up as another finely clothed network shouting head, represented in flashback by dancing and screaming video segments, his meaning to the game rendered inflated and hollow, I'll just miss watching him hit people.
MLB just announced which two teams will be facing off in the first game of the 2013 season, and the matchup is a curious one. On one side there are the Texas Rangers, a team that has proven itself to be one of the most exciting and watchable squads in baseball over the course of the last three seasons. And on the other side there are the Houston Astros, an utterly miserable baseball team. With a record of 55-107, the Astros owned the worst record in the major leagues last year. They were also responsible for this atrocity:
And now they are being asked to kick off the 2013 season against one of the best teams in baseball in a nationally televised game. In other words, it sucks to be the Astros.
MLB is clearly trying to inject life into a possible Astros-Rangers rivalry, which is now possible with the Astros moving to the American League, but a rivalry only works if both teams are good, or at least something close to a functioning major league franchise. We wish the Astros players the best of luck. May their public humiliation be carried out as swiftly as possible.